World of Pretend
by Unwanted
Summary: UPDATE- Chapter 4 FINALLY She always had an animal inside to chase away all the pain and hurt she didn't want to feel. But when the animal vanishes only human love may be the only thing that can see Ed through... READERS WANTED!!! JIMXED, SPIKEXFAYE!!
1. Chapter one

Disclaimer- CB is not mine  
  
A/N- Ed is a very hard character to write, but I'll try. She see things as innocent, as if the world has no wrong but as we all know the world is full of many wrongs. But I am trying so please no flames....   
  
Chapter One  
  
**_Ed's Diary_**  
**_Date:_** Ed's BIRTHDAY!!  
  
Today is Edward's birthday!! Ed make it up cuz Ed like makin' things up. Makes Ed special to know that she can make things up all by herself!!  
  
Ed fourteen Earth years!!  
  
Jet sad today. Lunk-head left Bebop-Bebop weeks ago and not come back. Ed misses Spike-Person, but Ed knows that Spike-Person will come back. Ed is sure she will see Lunk-head again, but Jet tells Ed "No, Spike-Person never coming back." But Ed doesn't believe Jet.   
  
Ed doesn't want to believe Jet.   
  
Faye-Faye sad too. Even on Ed's birthday both Bebop persons not happy.   
  
Ein is sad.   
  
Ed is sad.   
  
Ed come back to Bebop-Bebop to have party, cake, and candles. Ed never had that before. Ed wanted that with new family cuz Ed's new family is special like her.   
  
Ed wants her birthday to be a happy fun-fun day. But Faye-Faye and Jet not happy, not havin' fun-fun.   
  
Ed wants to cry.  
  
Ed want Lunk-head back on Bebop-Bebop.  
  
**END ENTRY**  
  
She stared at Tomato's screen through the green glass of her goggles as if the screen and the words written on it weren't really there, just right in front of her. Tears slid down her cheeks, but she pretended they weren't there making them invisible to her soul so she didn't have to acknowledge their existence. Just like if she pretended everything was fine on the Bebop than nothing was wrong.   
  
The world wasn't some mean unforgiving place to her. It was innocent and heart filled, and everyone loved everyone else, and no one just died or was killed off by some evil fate that wasn't very nice. In her world no one really died. Especially her friends.   
  
Ein was sleeping behind her as she yawned and smiled as she sat on the floor next to the yellow sofa on the Bebop. It was her birthday today, not a time for tears or for long faces, but a time for yummy cake, bright candles, wishes, and singing that meant her new age into an adulthood she really didn't care about. Really didn't understand.   
  
Jet walked in, an apron wrapped around his slim body as his eyes reflected fatigue, their depths distant in thought.   
  
Ed looked up waiting to see him smile, to say 'Happy Birthday!", to pat her on the head and give her a present.   
  
No smile.   
  
No words spoken.   
  
No pat on the head.   
  
No present.   
  
Jet walked out.   
  
Ed groaned as she fell back and landed on Ein's back, her eyes closing as she wished for sleep that took her to lollipop dreams, and candy filled corners where happiness was innocence and ignorance was bliss. No one forgot it was her birthday, no one acted as if the world ended, and no one thought Spike-person wasn't coming back.   
  
"Happy Birthday to Ed, Happy Birthday to Ed," she sang softly as drool ran down her smiling gaping lips. Sugar plums danced around her head and dreams as she giggled and reached for them with her hands in the empty air of reality.  
  
"Mmmmm, yummy," she muttered as she stuffed an invisible piece of food in her mouth and chewed mechanically.   
  
Then she heard a stomp and opened one eye to watch Faye slump on the chair across the table. The woman seemed tired as her purple hair poked through the towel on her head gleaming wet in the dim lights. Her long legs hung over the edge as the terry cloth robe hung modestly around a pale form, much too fatigue looking for 'pretty' or 'young' though the woman was both. Her green eyes were sad, angry, hurt, and Ed sat straight up as she grabbed for the vial of blue finger nail polish on the table, her heart jumping with happiness to have fun- to do something 'special' for one of her 'special' friends even though Ed knew that that 'special' person forgot it was Ed's 'special' day.   
  
"Faye-Faye, Edward paint toe nails?" A small silly smile raced across the child's lips searching for the feeling that went along with the motion as Faye looked over and only shook her head.   
  
"Not right now, Ed." Came a tired reply.  
  
Ed giggled. "Why not, Faye-Faye? Why not paint nails?" She waved her hands in the air as she wailed for no particular reason.  
  
"Not right now, Ed," Faye said again closing her eyes and putting her thumb and forefinger against her forehead. Something filled the air around them and Ed didn't like the feeling that it brought her.   
  
She didn't like the feeling of silence so loud all she could hear was her heart beating painfully. She didn't like hurt at all let alone feeling it.   
  
"C'mon, Faye-Faye. It be fun-fun!" Ed crawled on all fours around the table and to Faye's feet, the brush of blue paint already out and ready to do it's handy work.   
  
Faye pulled her feet away as her eyes snapped open angrily. "Not now, Ed!" Faye hissed. Her anger, her pain, and hurt all shone in emerald green eyes, as Ed's own eyes faded in hurt as if the sun hid behind a cloud of unhappiness that threatened her innocence.  
  
"But, Faye-Faye.." Ed began, crestfallen. Then she rolled over and began to growl, not wanting to show her hurt, not wanting to hurt at all. Pretend to be an animal that doesn't hurt but growls and barks, and knows only those two things. Animal instincts were sometimes better than being humanly hurt, or scared, or angry. It was so much easier to pretend to be so emotionless as an animal than face reality that blew bones cold and burned them away.  
  
"Ed, don't you get it?! I don't want my nails painted, I couldn't care less about my goddamn toe nails! Spike left, he's dead now!! And all you can think about is painting my goddamn toe nails!!" Faye stood angrily as Ed took in the words, felt her eyes fill with tears and her soul fill with hurt and tear swiftly as she began to howl at the invisible moon of her heart.   
  
"You'll never get it, will you Ed?" Faye stared down with green eyes of rage and contempt with a hint of jealousy of a single child's hope to believe in the good around them and over look the bad.   
  
Ed just wanted to be happy as she stared up and began panting, tongue lolling out like dog as a dopey smile played over her mouth.  
  
Ed just wanted everyone to be happy.   
  
Faye grunted in disgust.  
  
"Get a real life, kid, and grow the hell up. Because real life isn't all smiles and giggles. It's pain and hurt, loss and regret. Everyone seems to know that except you!" Faye said coldly before walking out of the room and leaving Ed shaking with hurt, eyes wandering after the closed door, smile still lopsided but almost nonexistent in the dim light as her tongue, still lolling, slipped back between two now frowning lips.   
  
It was her 'special' day. It was her birthday, and no one seemed to care.   
  
Ed cared.   
  
She turned to Ein, her eyes still sparkling with tears as the dog stared at her sympathetically.   
  
Ein cared.  
  
Ed whimpered.  
  
She then crawled back over to Tomato and slowly gathered the computer into her arms, searching for comfort in an inanimate object warmer than the animate objects around her. She pulled the goggles down around her neck slowly as she tried her best to ignore the tears that wouldn't stop filling her eyes as she tried to deny the fact that she was hurting inside. She didn't like to hurt. All she had wanted was a simple birthday, a kind she never had before. A kind that revolved around the ones she loved, the ones that gave her friendship she never felt before. But the ones she loved, they didn't seem to love her anymore.   
  
Why?   
  
Was it because she didn't have a real life like Faye-Faye had said? Was it because she wasn't grown up?  
  
But she _did_ have a real life, she had the Bebop-Bebop. And she knew all she needed to know. She didn't need to grow up to know that.   
  
Ein stared at her as she stood, her enthusiasm for the day dried up with wet tears that trickled to the floor, one landing on the dog's head as he whimpered and shook it off.   
  
Ed didn't want tears, so the tears weren't there even though they were. If she just pretended...   
  
"C'mon, Ein," Ed said brokenly, then smiled as a new idea popped into her head. "Ed know! We find new people to celebrate Ed's birthday with!" She smiled at Ein and hugged the dog as she got up and put Tomato on her head. She walked out the door and began walking to her room to pack humming 'Happy Birthday To Ed' all the way.   
  
She didn't care if the next stop wasn't Earth.   
  
Ed was leaving again to find new friends to celebrate her 'special' day.  
  
Maybe she'd find Lunk-head in-between.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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	2. chapter two

_Disclaimer- CB is not mine. Neither is Outlaw Star. (Jim's age is now 16 years, Gene and Mel are married at this point and off bounty hunting or something,)  
  
A/N- One thing to everyone, if you want to criticize that is way fine, but you better leave me an email or sign in because if you don't I am going to be very pissed. I respect those who criticize, hell I WANT people to criticize, but I want to get a chance to response and talk to you if you have questions or if I want to verify something you might have missed. And if you don't want to talk to me or hear from me fine, don't read my story then!   
  
Thank you for those who read my little anger-try-to-be-management-note,  
Lia  
  
Sorry this is a short chapter....  
_  
Chapter Two  
  
She stared at the neatly wrapped gift in her hands as she walked down the Bebop's hallway. She had jumped into a pair of jeans and a gray shirt instead of her regular attire because she wanted to look special for Ed's birthday. Ed's 'special day'' which she had almost completely forgotten about.   
  
She sighed.   
  
She felt guilty, it was written across her face and deeply imprinted in her green eyes.   
  
She hadn't meant to shatter those innocent golden eyes to tears. She hadn't meant to burst that bubble of happiness surrounding Ed's world like she had. But she couldn't help but feel angry at the world that had taken Spike away, the world that was supposed to be live and let live not kill and let die.   
  
But she needed to forget that right now.   
  
She needed to be happy for Ed, for her special day the child had been ranting about ever since she had come back to the Bebop, barely noticing that Spike was gone. Or maybe noticing but not realizing or understanding what 'not coming back' meant.   
  
No one had sat Ed down to explain Heaven and angels. The thought had never crossed anyone's minds. It was just figured the child knew.   
  
Faye walked into the kitchen where Jet was working on a cake. The door slid closed behind her as she left her thoughts outside.  
  
The kitchen was small, and only consisted of a refrigerator, a counter, sink, oven, a few cupboards, and a microwave. Everything else had to be done on the grill. It was poorly decorated, the walls were the metal of the ship and the counter was a steel, while the cupboards were a yellow wood, too ugly to call yellow.   
  
"I couldn't find the candles so I just stopped the ship at Tijuana to buy some. Have you seen, Ed?" He asked without taking his eyes away from his cake that looked more like a pink and white mass of fluff and nothing more.  
  
Faye suppressed a laugh at the fragile attempt at a birthday cake. "Uh, Jet, where are the candles going to go?" She asked as she looked at the lumpy frosting. Flowers, or little puff balls supposed to be flowers, covered the entire top like littered papers on an alleyway and cherries decorated the center.   
  
Jet stopped fussing and looked at it. His eyebrows went up and then down as he put his icing covered hand to his forehead. "Oh, no! I'm butchering it!" He wailed as he stared down at it. "I'll have to stick them somewhere on the sides maybe?" He asked himself distantly as he rubbed the frosted hand back and forth over his crone dome.   
  
Faye sighed. "Jet why don't you go clean up and I'll finish the rest?" She piped in hoping to take some of the stress of cooking away from the older man's mind. In truth she hated to cook, but the remaining Bebop crew needed to stick together and when one had a 'special day' that day needed to be extra special and sacrifices needed to be made to make it so. Well, in Faye's mind that was how it was supposed to be.  
  
Jet looked at her. "I don't need to clean up," he said looking down at his dirty apron and shaking his head. "The apron took the mess."   
  
Faye smiled sarcastically as she took her finger and ran it along the icing on his forehead before putting her finger in her mouth. She smiled. "Last time I checked, you weren't the birthday cake," she said sarcastically. "Mm, icing is good, though." She set her small wrapped present down next to the cake and moved to look over the pink and white fluff ball of sugar.   
  
"Alright, Faye. Just don't mess the whole thing up." He began to walk out the door.   
  
"Like I _could _mess it up, it's _already _messed up," she muttered.   
  
"Hey! I heard that!" He called as the door shut in his face.   
  


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  


"_Maruha medama. Maruha kirei. Kuroibudouno. Amaiagi," _Ed sung distantly as she walked down the streets of Tj, her legs covered and lost in a stolen pair of Faye's jeans, her arms covered in Faye's red coat rolled up on arms much to thin to hold the fabric. Her bare feet hit the pavement lightly, each step resounding a light 'smack' as she looked around at all the people around her, Tomato resting comfortably on her head.   
  
Ein panted at her feet.   
  
The sidewalks were busy with people in the fading sunlight and the streets were busy with ships and cars as horns and talking filled the air along with different scents and lights in the sky and air. Everything was foreign to Ed, even the people. Everyone was so different from Earth people. No one said 'hello' around her and a reward for a smile was a cold stare and then a blunt turn away that made the quick learners understand that friendliness was not welcome among forgotten modesty.   
  
"Ein," Ed said as she sat down on a bench, a distant corner separate from the busy streets and cold souls. She put Tomato in the backpack she had on her back as she rested against the soft worn wood.   
  
"Why people so mean here?" She asked and tried to smile as she thought of the Bebop. "Faye-Faye at least talk to Ed. No persons even say 'hi' here." She thought of Faye and smiled when she remembered the concentration it took her to paint Faye's toe nails. Ed liked concentration, she liked to busy herself so she didn't have to think too hard on things not wanted to be thought about.  
  
The dog just stared up at her with sympathetic eyes only he possessed for her alone. "Ein cares!" She cried as she hugged the dog close to her chest and smiled happiness making her light and joy-filled to know someone cared in a world that didn't want to care at all.   
  
"Hello, dear," a voice said as a shadow covered her small body.   
  
Ed looked up and smiled as a kind looking woman stared down at her. Her eyes were green and her hair was a dark black, her attire a soft black dress suit. Her face was kind and young as she smiled down at Ed and offered her hand. "You seem lost, may I help you find your mother, sweetie?" Her voice was soft, trusting, sweet.   
  
Ed smiled. "Edward don't have a mama!" Ed laughed at the absurd question for in her mind everyone knew she _never_ had one in her life. "Edward never have a mama." She smiled and took the woman's hand anyway, happy to make a friend. She shook the woman's hand hard as the woman looked confused for a second and tried to shake her off. "Me Edward, this is Ein!" She laughed again motioning to the dog who watched the woman with suspicious eyes. Ed jumped on the bench standing proudly. "Today Ed's 'special day'. Pretty lady, wanna have fun-fun with Edward?" Ed looked up with eyes full of hope, glad to have found a possible friend. She could feel the fuzzy feeling of having found trusting and feeling in a night getting colder and colder as it woke from it's never ending sleep.   
  
The woman looked around at everyone staring at her from the streets behind her.   
  
Ed was making quite a scene as she danced and sang, and laughed, and smiled. Arms flailed, feet kicked, and flips were done in mid air. She wanted to shake the cold air her skin felt as she tried to warm herself up by jumping and working her body's temperature up.  
  
"Sure," The woman said smiling. "Here give me your hand and we can go someplace special to celebrate your 'special day'," she said, her eyes lighting with bright light.   
  
Ein growled.   
  
Ed didn't notice. "Yay!" She cried and began howling and barking. "Fun-fun, special day, fun-fun!" Ed sang as she grabbed the woman's hand and smiled up at the warm figure in front of her.   
  
Ein began to bark as the woman walked Ed down the next street, Ed wailing and screaming at the top of her lungs with happiness. People stared as cars drove past and honked at the woman and the child who looked like she was having a temper-tantrum.   
  
"Ed, could you please be quiet?" The woman asked sweetly, the night behind her fading the sun away.   
  
"Oh, why? Why Ed be quiet?" Ed asked smiling.   
  
"If you want a party you have to be quiet or else other people will want to come and crash it," the woman said stroking Ed's hair, pulling slightly with force that startled Ed with pain. The woman began to lead Ed down the alleyway.   
  
Something stopped Ed as Ein's barking penetrated her world off happiness and the slight pain the woman had caused woke her up from her sleepy world of finding trust in strangers. "No," Ed said as she stopped and drug here feet as the woman pulled Ed foreword with difficulty. "Stop!" Ed cried when the woman didn't let go of her hand. Her wrist began to throb with pain as the grip on it tightened. "Ow! That hurt Ed. Let go!"   
  
In their view a white van came into play as the moon cracked in the sky to shine down on its beat up paint and rusted edges. The brick walls surrounding Ed made her whimper with fear she didn't want to acknowledge. The coldness threatened her as she tried to shake it away.   
  
The woman turned around and smiled with evil victory. "C'mon now, kid. Don't you want to have a party?" She asked sarcastically, her white teeth glowing like fangs. Her voice had suddenly become very cold and Ed shivered as she fought to free her wrist.   
  
Ed felt the fear over take her and then she felt herself slip into her imagination. No fear, lions felt no fear. "ROOOOAAARRR!!!" She screamed as she bared her teeth and growled.   
  
The coldness was overbearing, she had to get rid of it.   
  
The woman only laughed. "Scream and cry all you want, no one can hear you down this alleyway." The words were meant for the hopeless which Ed was not grouped in.  
  
Ed growled again, Ein close behind her, teeth bared. Then, without warning, Ed sprung foreword with amazing speed and bit down hard on the woman's hand holding her captive. Ein sprung foreword and gripped the woman's leg with sharp teeth.  
  
"Damnitt!" The woman screeched as she let go of Ed's wrist.   
  
Free! She was free! Ed ran back down the alleyway, her lion heart beating as she growled and panted, her limbs bounding with each step as she ran for her life, as she ran away from fear and bitter cold of feeling bad feelings. The light from the opening of the two brick walls on both sides melted into hope as she jumped and landed on the sidewalk, colliding into someone as she landed in a growling ball.   
  
"Hey, watch it!" A voice said angrily as a bag of food and books were dropped to the ground with a clatter, a sounding horn of freedom or perhaps battle as Ed backed away against the brick wall. She shook her head as she tried to clear it, imagination colliding with reality as she tried to find the difference between them. She didn't need to be afraid anymore... The lion she became backed away and watched from the shadows of her mind for an opportunity to charge out again.  
  
She looked up and saw an older boy with dirty blonde hair and blue intense eyes staring down at her. His eyes were more than angry as he looked her over and expected to find a little punk with earrings everywhere. But what he found instead was an innocent little kid, fear written in golden eyes.   
  
"Hey, kid. Watch where you're going next time," he said as he went to pick his things up off the ground.   
  
Ed growled, her animal defenses kicking as he reached, not for her, but too close for comfort. She expected to hear a bark from Ein to back her up.   
  
No bark came.   
  
The boy looked at her with odd blue eyes as he drew back his hand.  
  
She looked around wildly as she looked for a sign of her best friend and found nothing but the darkness of the alley way where she'd come from, the cold leaking through, beckoning her, daring her to try it's wrath one more time. For a moment she stared down the alley way, and then she heard a bark, Ein's bark. Distant, helpless, and calling for help.   
  
"Hey, kid, are you lost?" The boy asked behind her.   
  
Ed didn't respond as she growled the lion taking control as she stood with anger and ran back into the alleyway, the boy calling after her as she snarled into the darkness, roaring at the cold fear that played over her bones and chilled her frozen.  
  
She found the woman a few steps away.   
  
"Nice of you to come back," she said as she held up her hands and threw a beaten Ein to the ground at Ed's feet. The dog whimpered as he stared up at Ed, his eyes pleading to forgive him for failing in protecting her.   
  
_It's ok_, Ed said with her eyes. _Ed, protect Ein, now. _She turned her golden eyes towards the woman and placed her imagination in front of her eyes. She was a wild beast who needed to kill the tiger in front of her. They were in a dark forest where no one was around except two souls, one greatly outweighed by fate.   
  
Ed snarled and growled as she jumped for the woman. But the woman was ready for her attack this time and took out a gun and in a flash Ed was on the ground whimpering as a tranquilizer dart stuck out of her shoulder. She whimpered pitifully and howled like a dying mule as the world around her faded and blurred.  
  
_Faye-Faye, help Edward. Jet! Spike-person! _Her mind cried as she began to cry and howl louder, the drugs taking to her system like a plague. She tried to keep her eyes open, tried to fight. But the point in which giving up was nothing but a must came all too soon and her vision was failing her.   
  
The last thing she heard was a gunshot and a yell from the woman as wheels screeched away. And the last thing she felt was warm arms picking her up and carrying her away into her dreams.   
  
  
_A/N- Who is this mysterious girl who wants Ed? Why did she want Ed? Tell me your ideas, the second chapter is ready to be posted but I just want to hear what everyone thinks. _  
  
_DIDN"T HAVE TIME TO LOOK OVER AGAIN..... ^_^;;;;_  
  
  
  
  
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	3. Chapter three

_Disclaimer- Cb is not mine...Nor is Outlaw Star...  
  
A/N- I have been trying to rewrite my other story and failed, then came the cruise, then came finals. Thus I have not updated sorry, here's a chapter for your patience.   
  
Also Jim is about 16 in this fic.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
"Mama," was once all she knew how to say, and the deep blue eyes and long red hair were only shades of what she thought were there but could have easily been nothing but her imagination.  
  
She thought she didn't have a mama. But she was calling for her, calling for the woman who made her childhood complete. She longed for the only person she didn't want to remember because memories brought back pain and loss, but if she pretended that she didn't feel them...  
  
The woman seemed to smile, were there lips where the mouth should have been? She couldn't tell as she raised her small hands and reached for fiery locks in a white light that surrounded the woman who held her softly. She was younger, a small child easily held.  
  
"Mama!" She said loving the word on her mouth, loving the feeling it gave her, the sense of lowering her defenses to completely trust, the only feeling the woman who held her ever gave her... love.  
  
"Hush, sweet little one," the woman said softly, her voice soft but distorted through time, through the sharpness and sketchiness of a child's mind too young to remember. A song melted into her as the little girl sighed, loving the feel of arms around of her, the sweet scent of lilacs invading her senses as if nothing but that smell and those arms existed.   
  
"Hush little baby don't say a word..." The words were fading...  
  
The arms were growing cold...  
  
The smell was vanishing...  
  
"No," she cried as tears warmed her eyes. She tried to hold tighter, closed her eyes wishing as hard as she could to try to stop the inevitable.  
  
"What's your favorite animal?" The woman asked in her mind.   
  
"Tiger!" She could hear herself distantly remembering she had fallen once and scrapped her knee.  
  
"Whenever you're afraid be a brave tiger for mommy. Be the little tiger that stood fearless so nothing should ever make you cry," the woman said softly, behind her closed eyes she saw the woman smile. "Even if you fall don't cry, tigers don't cry when they fall. Just come to me and I will make it all better because tears don't do anything but wet your pretty little face."  
  
"Ok, Mama," she replied happily.   
  
"You're such a smart little girl, you make me proud."   
  
"Mama..." The word faded on her lips as she touched her cheeks, eyes still closed as if searching for lingering fragments of what she would never have again.   
  
Tigers don't cry,...   
  
She shook her head. She didn't like thinking about her Mama, she didn't like thinking about things that made her sad, things that made her heart hurt.   
  
Stop it! She cried at the inner child so lost and lonely, wanting to cry but knowing the tiger, the animal no longer a definite shape, would chase the tears the little girl harbored away with an angry roar of frustration.  
  
She was alone now, she could feel it, and all she knew was a longing, a longing so strong it hurt even more than loosing what she could barely remember having...  
  
Long for, hurt for, roar for...  
  
Love.  
  
But pretend it didn't exist,.. scream the animal to come, scream the innocence to stay, and love wasn't anything but something she kept deep inside, locked away, so it couldn't hurt her.   
  
Love was what she felt for her Mama, and love was reserved for her Mama only, because her Mama was special, her Mama was lovely, and her Mama was dead. Love reserved for the passed, but memories reserved for the immortal and the constant innocence she had deep inside the animal, the child, and the pretender.   
  
_

  
~*~*~*~*~  
  


"Yeah, I found her the other day." A familiar voice said.   
  
Ed growled a complaint in her throat, her eyes were shut tightly as she rolled over on her side. She was so tired, she didn't want to wake up. She could feel a warm blanket over her shoulders and a fluffy pillow under her head. She was too at ease to want to wake up from dreams and peace that seemed so hard to find lately. She whimpered her contentment as she pressed her face into the softness beneath her cheek.   
  
"She sure looks like a human, but she sure as hell doesn't sound like one. Hey, maybe she's related to Aisha." A sarcastic voice said, a small hint of amusement hidden somewhere in the tones that made him seem warm and cold at the same time.   
  
She rolled over, growling a warning for those around her that she was trying to sleep.   
  
"Hey, I resent that, Gene Starwind! Bastard!" A loud screeching voice filled Ed's head and she growled louder, angrier.   
  
"Hey, Aisha, keep it down, she's trying to sleep," the familiar voice said softly.   
  
There was a laugh as the one called Aisha growled with low defeat.   
  
Ed rolled over one more time, her hand covering her eyes as she grabbed the pillow and slammed it over her head. "One more minute, Ed wants one more minute..." she muttered into fluff.   
  
"Hey, Aisha, c'mon now. Don't get your panties all in a twist." The other voice mocked.  
  
"GRRRRRRAAAAARRRRRR!"   
  
"Greeeeaaattt, Gene. Now look what you did. Aisha's going all animal on us."   
  
Ed sprang up, eyes wide, lost, bleak. She looked around with confusion as her vision cleared away into reality. She was in a large junk yard, blankets covering her as she sat in an old beat up car without a roof, moonlight of the night caressing her shoulders. Piles of metal and scrap loomed on both sides of her, reaching far into the distance as she yawned and stretched.   
  
She then stared at the figures in front of her, her head spinning with last minute memories of her Mama. She saw the tallest one first, he was young, but not her age young, more like in his twenties young. He had a deep stare of gray-blue, his mouth impishly turned up at the corner as he laughed. He had red hair, dark, a color she never saw before, that shone in the moonlight with flaring anger.   
  
Next she saw the boy that she had met earlier standing next to him, his eyes narrowed, mouth set angrily, blonde hair flying over his face in the night's wind. "I told you before you came, Gene. If you brought Aisha, you had to behave." He said under his breath.   
  
"Yeah well, I planned on that, but ya know, shit happens." The man replied shrugging indifferently. He lay his back against the pile of junk the two were backed up against leisurely.  
  
Then Ed caught saw their opponent who she guessed was obviously Aisha. She was on all fours, eyes gone crazy- blue, ice blue. White and streaked with black. A tiger!  
  
"KITTY!" Ed shouted at the top of her lungs with delight as she flew from the beat up car and jumped on the tiger's back, her hands encircling the neck with love and possession of a child. Soft fur filled her arms and she held on so tight, hoping that what she was holding was real, soft, fluffy, cute!  
  
The animal was surprised as it tried to buck her off, kicking, growling, and then finally shouting as the fur shrunk to a normal neck size. "Hey! Hey! Get off, wouldya! Hey!"   
  
Gene and Jim stared at the small child as she snuggled closer and Gene laughed as the child held on like a burr. "Well, well, thats what you get for trying to eat us." He said sarcastically.   
  
"Ctarl Ctarls don't _eat_ people! We kill them, ripping them to shreds!" Aisha screamed as she tried to squirm out of Ed's grasp without hurting her. "C'mon kid, leggo!!"   
  
"Pretty kitty!" Ed shouted as she hugged harder.   
  
"Hey...I-..I can't...Br- breathe!" Aisha gasped.   
  
Ed buried her face in the white hair and tugged on the braid she'd found brushing her shoulder. She loved the softness on her fingers, she loved the cuteness of the animal she held onto.  
  
"S'cuse me, Miss Prissy Pride, for not knowing what the hell Aisha Clan-Clan eats!" Gene said irritably.   
  
Ed could feel the fur she was holding on to heat with anger. "Grrrrrrr..." It was a low rumble in the base of Aisha's body as she radiated anger and rage. Ed whimpered then growled, refusing to fear, refusing to let go.   
  
"That's it, kid!" Aisha screeched.   
  
Claws stretched and all Ed felt then was a red pain slashing over her wrist. But she didn't move away, she did the only thing she knew how to do as a defense. She bit the large ear in front of her face.   
  
"OWWWWWW!!!!!"  
  
Jim raced foreword as Aisha went to slash Ed again. He grabbed Ed by the hair and pulled her off Aisha, taking the slash of the silver claws instead of the little girl he now held in his arms.   
  
Pain raced over his back as he stared down at the girl who was wrestling in his arms, growling, biting, scratching as if _she_ was the ctarl ctarl of the bunch. Jim caught a glimpse of the yellow eyes, so weird, so odd, and yet so knowingly full of fear. Then something changed, and the fear was replaced by pure insane power...   
  
"Hey, its ok," he said trying to hold onto her, she fought angrieir, she growled, she went crazy in his arms. Red pain scorched over his shoulder blades as the full impact of Aisha's blow radiated through him.   
  
"Damnitt, Aisha, she's just a kid!" Gene was shouting at the top of his lungs.   
  
"She was a human trying to suffocate me! You humans are all alike!" Aisha retorted back.  
  
Jim still wrestled as the little girl with the fire red hair bit his arm, scratched his face, kicked his stomach. Pain erupted through his body but he held on. "Settle down, Nh..." He grabbed for her arms. "I'm not going to hurt you!" He cried as he put his weight flat over her body.   
  
She stared up at him, her yellow eyes angry, hating, animalish as she bit at his face, nothing else prevailing over his weight. He pinned her hands over her head with one hand, and then slapped her, hard, not knowing what else to do to knock her from the illusion of her animalism. He didn't even know if the child was imagining or if she was just crazy.   
  
For a moment the world seemed to stop as she stared in the direction of his blow, the slight smack echoing through the wind loudly. Her eyes lost all the fierceness and as she slowly turned her head back towards him slowly he saw the innocent child inside, scared, confused as her lip began to bleed.   
  
She was hurting, she was bleeding, and he had slapped her. She wasn't bad, she hadn't been bad, she cried to herself. She was a good girl, she didn't deserve the blood, the pain. She didn't want it. She called the animal inside, she called in vain. The animal had been knocked into shock and had left her alone. So coldly alone...  
  
"I'm sorry," he said softly, knowing that he had said he wouldn't hurt her when he did anyway. He eased his weight on his knees that were on either side of her stomach and slowly, carefully, released her hands.   
  
Her eyes burned into his, heat radiating, confusion swirling her body as if it owned the small form. She was hurting, where was the animal? She didn't want to hurt!   
  
She kept her hands above her head as if his still bound them, and just stared at him. She made no move as he slowly eased off her body, the only things changing were her eyes as she watched him, pain and confusion hidden in golden depths that burned him in a way he couldn't explain.   
  
A red splotch formed on her cheek in the hand print identical to his palm.   
  
He'd hurt her, she couldn't make the pain go away. Pretend wasn't working anymore.  
  
Then she sat up and growled at him angrily and held her wounded wrist to her heart with her other hand as she turned from him and began to attend the wound with her tongue. She tried to act the animal, but the animal was gone. She whimpered in defeat and hugged herself, then began to cry.  
  
_I'm sorry I'm crying, Mama, _she thought softly to herself, she wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Where was the animal? Why did it leave her?   
  
For a while Jim just stared at her, and then he felt Gene's presence next to him. "What didya do to make her cry?" He asked as he put his hand on Jim's shoulder.   
  
"Probably tried to suffocate her!" Aisha chimmed in.   
  
"Shut up!" Gene said angrily and the two began to bicker again.  
  
Jim ignored them, didn't say a word as he took off his leather coat and walked slowly next to the girl whose tears weren't on her cheeks but in her heart as she sobbed dryly. He touched her arm, touched her hair, then wrapped the coat around her shoulders gingerly, guilt shinning in his own eyes as she turned to stare up at him blankly. "Hey, I'm sorry," he said again.   
  
His blue eyes were so sad, so sincere. The were deep, like her Mama's once had been. Were they accusing her for crying?   
  
Then she was holding on to him, her face buried in his chest as she sobbed without tears.   
  
All Jim could do was hold her, and stroke her hair, telling her softly that it was all going to be Ok, though he didn't know how anything was going to be Ok when he didn't know what was wrong. But then she spoke, sobs breaking her voice. "Ed don't wanna stop pretending."   
  
The illusion of her perfect world was being stolen from her, every second the animal lay absent the more her soul aged through the pain she couldn't escape. Blood dripped down her arm, her chin, her heart ached for some unknown reason, and her head spun with confusion.  
  
Jim didn't know what to say. He didn't understand. All he said was, "Hey, Ed doesn't have to stop pretending," He tried to sound reassuring even though he didn't know exactly who Ed was. She held him tighter, and he held her back protectively, guilt stricken, until she eventually fell asleep.   
  
  
  
  
A/N- sorry that was kinda bad, I am not in the mood for writing but I wanted to hand out another chapter for all ya before I went away for tonight. Sorry I didn't have time to look over it...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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	4. chapter four

Chapter Four

World of Pretend

Disclaimer- I do not own Cowboy Bebop or Outlaw Star

A/N- Well, I haven't touched this story in forever! I completely forgot about this screen name since this isn't my main one. Well if there are readers still out there I apologize. I'm terribly, terribly sorry. I hope this chapter is good enough to make up for my ten month absence. Short chapter- still got to get back into the mood of writing Ed. 

"Wake up," a voice said to her and she stirred. Her body felt stiff, felt tired and she moaned and snuck closer to the warmth that was beside her. She felt it shift uneasily as she hung close to the warm body, hoping it was Ein, for she missed Ein terribly. "Hey, girl, please wake up." 

"Ed is Ed," she replied with a yawn and she giggled as a hand came and touched her shoulder, pushing slightly, trying to get her away from the warmth. She growled a warning and the pushing stopped. Contentment, she felt it course through her and she buried her face in the warmth. Strong arms enveloped her and began to rock her. 

"It's okay to open your eyes." She felt a hand smooth down her never-neat red hair. "I won't hurt you again." 

Ed stiffened. Again? She closed her eyes tighter, held on tighter. Don't open your eyes; don't see the world that causes pain that makes you feel so desperately in need of love. And love, the love of Jet person, the love of Faye-Faye, of Spike person! That was love right? Where was it? Were the arms that held her the love she missed? 

Where was Ein? 

_"Get a real life, kid, and grow the hell up. Because real life isn't all smiles and giggles. Its pain and hurt, loss and regret. Everyone seems to know that except you!" Faye's vice echoed in her head as she tried to block out. She was grown up, wasn't she? Then a red hot pain flashed from her wrist and she remembered it all- the cat person, the boy with the deep blue eyes that had slapped her across the face. Was that growing up? She was in pain, she had lost love, but did she regret anything? What was regret? Her eyes snapped open and she moved her head up to look at the one that was holding her. She felt her teeth bare themselves as she growled and tried to release herself from his grasp. But he wouldn't let go as he stared deep into her golden eyes, so wide and large with fear. _

"Hey, it's okay. Really. You're safe, I promise. Aisha and Gene are off fighting somewhere, and Mel is still out shopping with Sazuka." The boy smiled at her kindly, trying so desperately to gain her trust. She tried to move away from him, to escape his gaze that penetrated something in her heart. And she felt it; felt his gaze hit her like his hand had collided with her skin. No, no, no! Get away, move, run, fight! Anything, just get free!

She was clawing at him, biting at him, screaming, whining, roaring, but he was strong, incredibly strong and he waited patiently until her hysterics were over and she was sobbing dryly because she was still trapped in his arms. "Are you done?" he asked with amusement in his eyes. 

"Let Ed go, please?" Ed looked at the boy, begging. 

"If you promise not to run away or do anything stupid," he said and gave her a strange look as he released her without her reply. Having him trust her so easily, it meant something to her but she pushed it away like all the feelings she pushed away if they confused her or she didn't like them. "Who is ed? Are you Ed?" 

She looked around, found she was in a small living room, like one in the Bebop but different, more homey. Ed shivered thinking about the Bebop, missing it. Why had she left? That memory was more than a little faded; she couldn't remember it or didn't want to. "Ed is Ed," she replied looking at the boy, her regular energy coming back slightly. She began to play with her toes, stretching them, wishing she had tomato with her. Tomato, Ein… 

"I guess that means 'yes'." The boy sighed and Ed smiled. 

"Who are you?" She pounced at him and began playing with his face, stretching it and pinching it to see if he was real. "Are you a Space Cowboy? Ed is a Cowgirl! Oh, Space Cowboy person as a stretchy face!" 

"Hey, that hurts!" The boy tried to pry her off and succeeded only in getting poked in the eye. "Ow!"

Ed giggled and sat back on the couch she had been sitting on before. "Ed sorry," she said apologetically. The boy held his eye with his hand and he groaned. Ed moved and looked up into his face, tier noses almost touching as she stared into the single blue orb, so peaceful. The boy sucked in a breath and held it, and Ed stared at his parted lips for an instant, smiling innocently. Was he going to say something, she liked to hear his voice, and she kept looking at his mouth, waiting for the sound to come out. He wasn't even breathing and Ed got worried. She moved her head and put her ear up against his mouth to listen to see if he was breathing. 

"My name's James Hawking," the boy said smiling at her and rubbing his eye once more before letting his hand fall away. "Nice to meet you, Ed." 

Ed laughed with joy. She had made a new friend and she felt so good about it. Did this person care for her? Would he remember her birthday next year? "Edward has a new friend! James Cowboy! James- person!" Ed began to get up and dance around, swinging around the room, her face alight with happiness. She felt good again, forgetting the past and embracing the now was better than crying, or hiding, or pretending. She swung around to James and looped her arms around his neck, swinging around before hugging him tight. 

"You can call me Jim, everyone does," he said trying to break out of her grasp. She could feel he was uncomfortable but she laughed and jumped away from him, taking his hand in hers as she forced him to dance with her. Her wrist silently protested and she ignored it. She was so good at ignoring the things that hurt her. Either that, or she was just blind to the hurt. 

"Jim, Jim! Jim boy, Jim boy!" She chanted as she danced and danced her eyes bright with joy. A new friend, someone who cared! Reluctantly Jim began to dance with her and he was smiling too. She began singing one of her no sense songs and soon Jim was laughing, his discomfort gone, and his blue eyes gleaming. This was the scene Gene and Aisha walked in on. This is also the scene they stared at for a minute before closing the door with sweat drops. 

~*~

A lonely dog walked down the alley way, whining, whimpering as he carried a small home-built computer at the top of his head. He trembled, shivered, moaned. His back hurt, his ribs hurt, he couldn't see well, and he was tired. Edward, he had to find her. He was guilty with regret that he hadn't been able to save her. Now he couldn't find her. He needed to, who knew what kind of trouble she was in. But she was smart, she could get away couldn't she? 

Ed whined. Only if she grew up and saw passed the innocence she kept so prized, he thought. 

He was making his way out of the alleyway when he heard whistling. He began to walk towards the sound, familiarity ringing in the tune. His heart leapt as he trotted painfully (he felt as if he broke a paw) and barked hoarsely as he broke into the moonlight of the almost bare streets. He looked around, the whistling had stopped and he picked his ears up to listen. 

He hardly noticed he was standing in the middle of the street until a truck had him in its headlights. He whimpered once and closed his eyes. 

Strong arms grabbed him and soon he was stumbling into the darkness as the sound of Ed's computer went crashing under heavy tires. Ed whimpered, barked and moaned before he glanced at his savior. Yipping with happiness when he saw who it was. The figure shook his head and lit his cigarette. "I thought it was you, ya mangy mutt. I guess this means I got to go find the Cowboy Bebop now since I have no idea where you live now." There was disdain behind the words as he picked up the dog and began walking away into the coming morning. 


End file.
